The Fear of Being Me: How Religion Made Me Hide and Grace Taught Me to Rise

I spent a long time afraid of myself.

Not afraid of failure. Not afraid of demons or darkness or even hell. I was afraid… of me. The real me. The one I kept hidden behind a religious mask because somewhere along the line, I was taught that my true self wasn’t spiritual enough.

Maybe you know that fear too.

That subtle but suffocating pressure to measure up — to fit the mold, to mimic the “man of God” you saw on the platform, to sound like the preacher, to dress like the leader, to worship like the loudest voice in the room. I remember seasons where I didn’t like the way I spoke, the way I dressed, the way I flowed. Not because I didn’t have a sense of style or identity, but because I was told — directly and indirectly — that being myself just wasn’t holy enough.

So I buried my tone. I suppressed my humor. I traded creativity for conformity. And all in the name of being “used by God.”

But here’s the truth I didn’t know then:
You cannot be anointed while being someone you were never created to be.

God doesn’t breathe on the mask. He breathes on the masterpiece.

And grace? Grace showed me that the real me wasn’t in the way of my calling — it was the calling.

I Didn’t Hate Me Because I Was Evil. I Hated Me Because I Was Trained To.

I wasn’t always afraid of being myself. As a child, I flowed in curiosity, creativity, play, and boldness — until religion told me that being too loud was prideful, being too different was rebellious, and being too much was dangerous.

So I learned how to shrink.

I studied the rhythms and styles of those in spiritual authority and began to wear the armor of Saul, thinking it would qualify me for my Goliath. But that armor didn’t fit because it was never mine to wear. I was trying to fight like someone else, walk like someone else, preach like someone else — and I was miserable.

I wasn't trying to be fake. I was trying to be accepted. And that is the deadly game that religion plays: it convinces you that the price of being used by God is abandoning who He created you to be.

But grace… grace flipped the table on all of that.

But Aren’t We Supposed to Die to Self?

This is where the enemy really gets sneaky — he hides behind scripture. I can’t count how many times I heard:

• “You’ve got to die to self.”

• “You’ve got to crucify your flesh.”

• “You’ve got to deny yourself.”

And yes — those are scriptural phrases. But they were taught to me in a way that made me believe God wanted to erase me. That to be spiritual, I had to become invisible. That God couldn’t truly use me until I became like someone else He was already using.

Let’s pause and ask a better question:
What part of me is actually supposed to die?

Because scripture gives us the answer.

“Knowing this, that our old man was crucified with Him…” – Romans 6:6 (NKJV)

“I have been crucified with Christ; it is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me…” – Galatians 2:20 (NKJV)

“If anyone desires to come after Me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross daily…” – Luke 9:23 (NKJV)

When we read those verses through the lens of grace, we don’t hear, “Erase your personality.” We hear, “Abandon your false identity.”

We don’t hear, “You have to become someone else.” We hear, “You finally get to become who you’ve always been, without shame.”

The old man that died wasn’t the creative, intuitive, bold, quirky, quiet, sensitive, or strong parts of you. It was the self-made version of you. The you that was built from fear, guilt, religion, comparison, and striving.

Grace crucifies the counterfeit, not the creation.

The Turning Point: I Realized Being Me Is Where the Blessing Is

It took a while, but grace finally broke through all the noise.

I remember the moment it hit me:
God didn’t mess up when He made me. I did, when I started trying to be someone else.

The blessing, the favor, the flow — it wasn’t found in performance. It was hidden in authenticity. The moment I gave myself permission to stop apologizing for who I was, the fruit began to multiply. Not because I got better. But because I got real.

So let me share the very framework that helped me reclaim my voice, my flow, my rhythm, and my freedom.

How to Be R.E.A.L.

Here’s a step-by-step grace-based filter you can walk through to embrace the version of you that God actually designed. Not the one religion forced, but the one grace reveals.

R – Recognize the Religious Programming

The first step is awareness. You have to acknowledge that there’s a lie running in the background — one that taught you to hide, suppress, or edit yourself in order to be accepted.

Ask yourself:

• Where did I learn to be ashamed of my personality?

• What spiritual leaders did I try to copy?

• What parts of me did I shut down to be seen as “anointed”?

Benefit:
This step gives you compassion for yourself. You stop beating yourself up for the mask and start reclaiming what fear made you bury.

E – Embrace Your Divine Design

God doesn’t make mistakes. You were custom-built to express Him in a way no one else can.

Ask yourself:

• What do I love, but was told was “too worldly”?

• What comes naturally to me that religion said to suppress?

• What would I do differently if I believed God actually liked my design?

Benefit:
Joy returns. You’ll start to feel energy again, because the “you” that was shut down finally comes to life.

A – Align With Grace, Not Guilt

You’ve been programmed to grind for approval. But grace reprograms you to rest in identity.

Ask yourself:

• Am I doing this to prove something — or from a place of peace?

• Is this choice motivated by fear or by freedom?

Benefit:
You begin to operate from ease, not pressure. Grace becomes your power source instead of guilt being your driver.

L – Live Out Loud, Unapologetically

This is the bold part. It’s one thing to heal quietly. It’s another to show up in your realness — unfiltered, unapologetic, and free.

Ask yourself

• What would I say, wear, create, or launch if I wasn’t afraid of judgment?

• What version of me am I afraid to reveal, even though I know it’s the truest?

Benefit:
You will finally see impact. Because the real you is the one God wants to show off through. And people can’t be transformed by a version of you that you’re still hiding.

What Your Life Could Look Like When You Get R.E.A.L.

Imagine this.

• You wake up without the pressure to impress anyone.

• You walk into rooms with the confidence of someone who knows they’re chosen just as they are.

• You launch the thing, say the thing, write the thing — in your voice.

• You start attracting the right people — not the ones who tolerated the mask, but the ones who celebrate the masterpiece.

You don’t need to grind for glory. You don’t need to mimic to be anointed. You don’t need to disappear into a system to be used by God.

You just need to be real.

Because the real you is where the anointing flows.
The real you is where the favor lands.
And the real you is who this world is waiting to see.

You are not “too much.” You are not “not enough.” You are not a mistake to be managed.
You are a design to be revealed.

Let the real you rise.

— Shannon